i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
