I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
