I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
