i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im six kinds of drunk right now
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Randomize
