I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i think my mom watched the whole time
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
