if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
