my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Can I color on your dick again?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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