The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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