I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
