Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
