just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
