i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
