Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
