im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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