I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
