Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
