i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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