I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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