I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
