You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
