"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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