I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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