do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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