Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
