I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
