I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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