Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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