All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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