Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
