I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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