as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
