just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
