well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
