she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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