there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
