Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
