i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
