Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
