And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
