everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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