When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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