You're my little dorito
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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