I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
