No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
