I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
