Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
