How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
