alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
