If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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