I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Damn victory sex feels great
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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